Jim Talbott introduced Lynda Gantt, whose program was called "Five Ways to Not Leave Your Lover."  Lynda started her presentation by telling us that men and women are different.  Most of us are a little slow and didn't realize this.  Male and female fetuses develop differently.  At 26 weeks the brains of males and females are different.  Men think using only one hemisphere of their brains, while women use both hemispheres.  Women have intense emotional memories.

Women are also better at auditory skills.  Please allow me to confirm this from my own personal experience.  Women can hear you mutter under your breath even from the next room.  Women also need verbal confirmation, whereas men are just happy to say something and don't care if anyone listens or not.   For instance, men have often gotten into trouble for not responding to their wives.  I have gotten "the look" or even the old "Answer me" or "Say something"  when I have neglected to respond to my wife. This is how I managed to deal with this.  Every time I get "the look" I  just say "Yes dear."  This works most of the time, but there are two cases that are problematic and men need to be aware of them.  The first one is when you are not paying attention and your wife gives you a choice.  She might say, "Do you want to go to an Italian restaurant or to a Mexican restaurant?"  Now the old "Yes dear" could be a problem.  But if you say "Yes dear" and she then she starts  giving you "the look" because she is waiting for the rest of your response, just say, "Wherever you want to go is just fine with me.  You always make the best choice."  That may get you on her good side. 

The other case where "Yes dear" is not the proper response is when she is trying on clothes.  If she says, "Do these jeans make me look fat?" and you are not paying attention and default to "Yes dear," you are in a whole lot of trouble.  The last time I did that I had to sleep in the garage for a week.  So when women are trying on clothes, men must pay attention.

Men are more likely to be dyslexic, have more ADHD and are more likely to have Tourette's Syndrome.  Women usually develop language skills before men.  Men are better at visualization and math skills. 

There are different types of love: there is romantic love, where the couple is infatuated with each other.  This doesn't last.  People who have sex addiction enjoy the chase, not the commitment.  There is pragmatic love where the couple has common interests that keep them together.  There is selfless love where the couple has a spiritual relationship with each other.  Attachment theory postulates that the bonding between the mother and the infant determines how you can establish relationships.  (So I guess my mother was the cause of all my problems.)  In the scale of distrust vs. intimacy the more insecure person is more likely to cheat on his or her spouse.  This type of person is anxious and always fretting about his or her relationship and is afraid that the partner will leave. 

She then gave us some statistics about marriage.  About 50% of first marriages fail.  This percentage has stayed about the same for the past 30 years.  About 70% of second marriages fail.  Of those couples where one partner has an affair, about 50% to 60%  want to reunite and make their marriage work.  There seem to be a lot more affairs now than in previous generations.  This is partly because more women are working and they have more interaction with men.  Religion helps keep couples together.  The higher the income the more likely one of them is going to have an affair.  Men who are unhappy in their marriages are more likely to have an affair.  Marriages are more likely to endure if they can resolve financial issues (because two cannot live as cheaply as one), if they have a sense of belonging, a purpose,  a connection, and if both want to have someone special in their lives.  A happy marriage leads to more longevity in life.  Couples who are honest with each other, who are willing to work on their relationship, who are willing to look at their own selves, and who have a goodness of heart are more likely to have a long relationship. 

Exemption Badge holder Danielle Martinez decided not to talk about her Dad this week, and we were very grateful.  She did talk about the Family Care Network.  In particular she spoke about a client she had several years ago.  She was 10 years old and had been in 8 foster homes.  She did well in school, but always seemed to get into trouble.  She had no parents and no other family.  At one point they placed her in an independent living program and two weeks into the program something clicked and she decided that she wanted to succeed in the program, possibly because of the mentor she had in the program.  Now she is going to San Francisco State University and doing well.  She wants to be a social worker.  Danielle also talked about the Miracle Miles for Kids, the fundraiser for the Family Care Network.  She enjoys working for the Family Care Network because she believes in the mission of the program.